They say that “every action has an equal and opposite reaction “… and reacting too quickly is sometimes what we do when we are upset.

The following article has been written by Chris Widener and explains how to handle our reactions to upsets if we can just take a deep breath and think more clearly first …


Anytime you are making ground and moving toward success, there will inevitably be the opportunity for conflict. That is just a fact of life. You put two people or more in a group and there is potential for conflict – and conflict, improperly handled, can destroy your ability to continue on and achieve your goals.

This is true in many areas of life, from the boardroom to the schoolroom. It can happen in marriage and it can happen between friends and business associates. And when conflict goes bad, success doesn’t happen. The good news is that conflict can be healthy and can actually move you closer to success. Success is based on relationships and relationships offer the chance of conflict, so to get success, you must master conflict. So with that in mind, here are some ideas for handling conflict.

When you are the one who is confronting a problem with someone else:

1. Don’t assume. Don’t assume the worst. Don’t assume that they meant what you think they did. Don’t assume they know any better. Don’t assume they did it on purpose. The fact is that most of the time our assumptions are incorrect and all our assumptions do is cause us to get out of a deeper hole.

2. Ask questions. Since you can’t assume anything, you must begin your confrontation by finding out the facts as that person sees them. Here are some questions to ask: What was your intention in saying or doing that (Maybe they had good but misguided intentions)? What were the thoughts behind those words or actions (Maybe they actually have a well thought out position that you hadn’t thought of)? Are you aware of how that might have been perceived (Maybe they just missed how that would be seen. Everybody is entitled to blow it)?

3. Tell them how you perceive things, or how you feel, rather than what they did. It is never good to start out with telling somebody, “You did this!” Instead, you can say something like, “I feel like your action may have been better if you would have…” Or, “I think that the way that came across may have been…”

4. Deal with one issue at a time. If they battle back a bit, you may be tempted to say, “Well, that isn’t all! As a matter of fact, a number of us here think that you also need to work on…” If there is another issue, then deal with it at a separate time. Too many conflicts go around and around and don’t end up solving the original issue. Stick to one point and see it through to understanding.

Reproduced with permission from the Chris Widener Ezine. http://www.chriswidener.com

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How To Handle Problems With Others!

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