Here are a few methods that I found to give yourself an idea of what parenting will be like, or to make you smile with recognition if you have already taken the plunge.

Women: To Prepare For Maternity …

Put on a dressing gown and stick a pillowcase filled with beans down the front.
Leave it there for 9 months.
After nine months, take out 10 percent of the beans.
Alternatively:
Drink a litre of water.
Do not go to the bathroom for 24 hours, or
Go to the bathroom every 3-5 minutes with no regard to the “amount” you have deposited.
Either way you will get a good sense of what “bloatation” is like.

Men: To Prepare For Paternity …

Go to the local chemist/drug store –

  • Tip the contents of your wallet on the counter
  • Tell the pharmacist to help himself
  • Then go to the supermarket.
  • Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
  • Go home.
  • Pick up the paper.
  • Read it for the last time.

Before You Stop Using Birth Control …

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their –

  • Methods of discipline
  • Lack of patience
  • Appallingly low tolerance levels
  • Allowing their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve –

  • Their child’s sleeping habits
  • Toilet training
  • Table manners and,
  • Overall behavior.

Enjoy it — it will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

kangaroos-preparing-for-parenting

Preparing For Parenting – part 1

About: 

Elizabeth Richardson currently lives on The Gold Coast Of Australia and is a mother, teacher and author of the International Best Seller 500 Confessions. Elizabeth worked as a Professional Counselor, has trained to lead Group Therapy Workshops , studied Strategic Intervention with Anthony Robbins and Cloé Madanes and is a certified Rebirth Practitioner (Australian Institute Of Rebirthing). These days Elizabeth enjoys a life of total luxury but still plays as a writer professional photographer and web designer. Her passion for living, loving and laughing, remains at the forefront of her focus.


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